I believe that having respectful, tender conversations around change, loss and grief can actually help us live more fulfilling and connected lives. Having safe spaces where we can talk openly and honestly helps break down the stigma around loss and grief, and perhaps most importantly provides the hope that you no doubt so desperately need - that you will survive this loss, and when the time is right, the understanding that you will most likely have experienced deep personal growth along the way.
Through this people discover they are not alone, and that adversity and challenge is fundamental to our human experience. We also learn how to get a little more comfortable with those feelings and emotions we often would rather avoid.
“Loss and grief, whether we like it or not, is a normal and natural part of our experience as human beings”
I’m part of a wider mission to improve people’s experiences around change, loss & grief, end of life, and death & dying.
The Story Behind the Name…
It all matters… has evolved over a number of years. As I was trying to figure out the big picture of what it was I wanted to offer people I would explain it to friends and family… They’d look at me a little blankly (with never ending love and support of course) and I would respond with (wildly gesticulating hand and arm motions, as if I was encompassing the whole world…) “it’s everything, it’s all connected, it all matters…!” I found it really difficult to articulate all the different facets of how I support people and so now I sum it up with “it all matters…”
What being supported by me looks like…
I offer a safe space for you share feelings, thoughts, and emotions, enabling you to feel understood and connected. A place for you to be acknowledged and validated.
There is opportunity to explore and experiment with healthy coping strategies. Grief is not an emotion, it is many emotions. Exploring and experimenting with what works for you in your grief helps you to manage and cope with this roller coaster ride. There are ways of thinking, acting and being that will help support you in this journey whether you are the person experiencing a life changing illness or someone who cares for them, or you are giving the loss of your loved one.
Sometimes it just helps to know some of the facts and science around what we are experiencing. Loss and grief happens throughout the whole journey of life changing illness. It’s not just about death loss and bereavement when someone has died. Understanding change, loss & grief, the different types of losses people can experience and how it affects you and those you love helps you to acknowledge and validate your own grief journey and accept the journey of others. I think this is super important to understand as so often people underestimate grief and essentially disenfranchise their own experience. This can also be hugely helpful when people feel like they might be going a bit crazy or are worried that they aren’t doing it properly (newsflash - everyone is different - there is no right or wrong way… only your way) and it is likely that what you are experiencing is quite common among the grieving. I hope even that little bit helps.
This probably feels a little weird, but I truly believe that you can live a purposeful, meaningful, connected and engaging life, even when faced with challenges. This is not about toxic positivity. We don’t pretend shit isn’t happening. But like one of my clients said once that I think describes it beautifully… “I can have days (or hours, or minutes) where I fall apart, understanding that it’s normal and healthy is really helpful… that I know that this is just a moment in time and I am not unpacking my bag and moving in long term with misery”. Connecting with what is important to us, helps us focus our attention and energy into those things that help us to live our best and most fulfilling lives.
Dr Chris Petersen summed up his decades of research around resilience and living a good life with just three words “other people matter”. Yet one of the hardest things in times of change, loss and grief are our relationships and how this new reality can change them. Identifying your support networks, exploring what your strengths (and your supporters strengths) are, identifying what you might need help with, learning how to work with who shows up (and accepting who doesn’t), and being able to communicate what we might need help with - there’s a lot to this! It can be like trying to be a CEO of a major organisation and sometimes we aren’t really trained or prepared for that.
Change, loss and grief changes the landscape of our world in so many ways. When we experience change, loss and grief we are forced to adapt to our new world whether we like it or not. How do we do this in a way that acknowledges hard times yet still invites love and connection, encouraging us to live our best lives while living with challenge and adversity? Dr Thomas Attig calls this “relearning how to live in the world”. Grief is not something we get over - but we can grow around it, allowing it to become a part of who we now are.
It can feel like a big risk to invite someone into your space at such a vulnerable time, it also takes a willingness to learn - about yourself, your world, your assumptions. It takes courage, and yet, here you are… I believe you know what is best for you and I would be honoured to support you on that journey.